So. Yes. Yep. Fuck. Holy shit.
I am approaching the 5 month mark in my pregnancy which I have been keeping a little bit on the d-low for various reasons ; mainly because I’ve just been getting over a horrendous bout of trimester 1 sickness. I’ve been pretty sick, and I’ve not been having a great time in all honesty until these last few weeks.
I’m am super excited and wanted to share with you a little more of this journey, so I have vlogged my first (and currently my 2nd) trimester for your amusement ; Basically me crying. And eating. And crying. I am one of *those* people who are scared of babies, children, kids and those little things that run about screaming. I have held a baby possibly twice in my life (through force) and so my vlogging diaries may resonate if you are one of those mums, mums-t0-be or just someone who has these feels>
I AM BLOODY USELESS WITH CHILDREN HOW AM I GONNA HANDLE THIS?!
Me and my husband HAD planned this. I am scared of the wee things but I have always thought that one day, I would want my own children. I am 37 this year, and was very aware that my clock was ticking if I did want to start trying to get pregnant. I had no idea how long it would take, IF I could or if I had missed the boat already. Thankfully it didn’t take *too* long although I did have all the feels of ‘what if’ and PS those ovulation sticks did nothing except tell me I wasn’t ovulating.
I’m still finding it all a little overwhelming but I’m also relieved to share my news so I can start asking for advice (I need it all!) and asking ALL the questions that I need answering. I’ve literally just been googling ALL the things from ‘sore tits’ to ‘flatulence in pregnancy’, ‘nipple piercings and pregnancy’ to ‘when to start wearing a baby on board badge’. I also discovered the infamous Mumsnet which did nothing but terrify me.
I’ve been as sick as a dog and have been feeling really low.
Eurgh, who knew that morning sickness was really *a thing*?! Not me, that’s for sure. As someone who is rarely ill, see’s herself as very mentally strong with a high pain threshold ; the fact that I was reduced to a puking, snivelling, weeping MESS, made me very confused. I woke up @ 5am feeling sick. I wretched from 7am-9am every day. I wretched walking to the tube, on the tube and @ work. I was physically sick a handful of times and even brushing my teeth was an arduous task as it made me sick. Eating was hard, day-to-day life got hard and I basically felt I had horrid flu for nearly 2 months = hence very little blog action, if you hadn’t noticed, since January.
I think hand-in-hand with the sickness came the fatigue, again, completely normal as your body is changing and your hormones are going absolutely NUTS. It was bed at 9pm for the whole of January-March for me. Not too much of a bad thing, as most of it was pretty miserable, snowy and freezing.
I have felt REALLY alone in my first few months of pregnancy.
This is mainly because a) we kept it very quiet and b) I was yearning for my mum, her advice and her support which I don’t have. This made me an emotional bloody wreck and I think I spent 50% of my first trimester weeping and feeling overly sorry for myself. I told only a couple of close friends before my 3-month scan and basically have zero family to talk to or confide it, and it just made it that little bit tougher when I was feeling so ill and awful. I felt google became my best pal. He was pretty good though.
BUT….It’s looking up!
I am now very much into my second trimester as this blog post goes live and I am feeling SO much better. No sickness. No illness. Not as fatigued and I can even stay up until 10pm! *The wild cat is back in town*.
I have had maybe 3 weeks of feeling back to near-normal and I’m looking forward to enjoying the next few months (I hear it goes a lil’ downhill again towards the end!?) of this process and appreciate it for what it is…something pretty damn special, and I know that I am really lucky that I am in this position. If you fancy checking out my first trimester vlog (me crying) then check it out below this post or head over to my channel so y’all bitches can subscribe.
So big changes for me this year and lots of exciting plans..a possible house and location move, maybe a slight job switch-up and trying to keep another human alive that’s not myself.
SEND HELP!….and decaffeinated coffee.